I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
