Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
