how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
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Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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