You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize