Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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