Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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