maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
