A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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