i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
