K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
