They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
