They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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