it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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