i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
