omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
