Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I supernannyed him into submission
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
