Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize