I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
