...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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