Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
