all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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