If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
