Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
