Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So vagazzling was a success
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
