whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
