i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
