Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
