still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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