I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
