I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
