it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
