I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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