Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
