i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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