Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize