I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
