ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
