I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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