2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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