While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
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Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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