alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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