it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
