Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
