I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
