All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
