I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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