question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
