I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
