my being single is dangerous.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
