she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
