remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
