aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
