did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
