I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
