At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
