9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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