Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
