My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
