I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
