i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
