New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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