i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize