Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.