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Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
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