Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.