sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.