i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.