I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.