Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
