Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
