If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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